How To Become Your Own Beloved By Sacred Walker
How To Become Your Own Beloved
IN THIS EPISODE:
Sacred takes a car ride to a river. She describes sitting by a river and releasing pain to move forward in love after a breakup.
In doing so, she creates her own healing “love medicine.” Sacred will guide us through acknowledging hurt/ where we are, encourage people to pause and also to release old pain. Then, she will talk about our need for security. She will encourage listeners to put themselves in priority status and imagine who they will be in their next relationship.
Becoming Your Own Beloved will set you up for real love.
Record Date: Thu 9/24 @ 3PM EST
8 MINUTE READ TIME
HOST INTRODUCES (STEVE)
Sacred Walker is a therapist and coach in New York City. For over a decade, she’s worked with people from all walks of life.
And in this work, she has learned a LOT about relationships, including rediscovering love after heartbreak. Her experience led her to many re-inventions of herself, including a lot of healing and searching after one hard breakup.
Here’s Sacred Walker.
PT 1: ACKNOWLEDGE CURRENT STATE: “CARRYING PAIN”
SACRED: With my clients, the same question seems to come up over and over.
How do we move forward when others disappoint us?
Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. But left unexamined or untreated, it turns into pain that feels permanent.
That hurt, that disappointment, feels like a heavy burden. I know.
So what’s the fix? You can’t find it in a pharmacy. But you can make it. Today, we’ll go on a journey to find it. Together.
PT 2: DEFINING “BECOME YOUR OWN BELOVED”
I call it “BYOB.”
(SFX: POP POP FIZZ - WINE BOTTLE CORK?)
No, not that one.
THIS B-Y-O-B means “Become Your Own Beloved.”
It’s a practice that’s entirely focused on self-love and making space for yourself. It’s a little spoon of the love medicine you need.
Remember: The foundation of all love is self-love.
Let me say that again:
The foundation of all love is self-love.
But it’s the journey to that self-love that is so beautiful, and available at any time, within all of us.
PT 3: “PAUSE” & “I CAN BREATHE”
(SFX: CAR SOUNDS / SEATBELT, ENGINE START/ FAINT MUSIC ON RADIO)
I don’t know about you, but driving has always cleared my head. Especially after a breakup.
(DESCRIBE BREAKUP BRIEFLY - HOW YOU FELT).
So one day, after a brutal breakup, I got in the car and drove up the Hudson River in New York State. I was surrounded by beauty, felt the wind in my hair -- but inside, I felt hurt, and betrayed.
I questioned everything I knew about love.
But on that drive I remembered one thing.
I CAN BREATHE.
As I was driving, I let my breath center me.
(SOUND FROM SACRED - BREATHE OUT)
I asked myself:
“Is my loneliness REALLY about the absence of my ex? Or am I missing something in me?”
Only when we pause and speak to ourselves will we know.
PT 4: RELEASING OLD PAIN
STORY: On my drive, I stopped and bought flowers. And hours later, with them on the seat next to me, I pulled over.
I sat down on the bank of a stream in the woods.
(SACRED DESCRIBES HOW SHE WAS FEELING)
I remembered how I felt when I was with that particular ex. One minute they were loving, the next they very emotionally distant. Oh yes, this was a pattern in my life, an old ancestral pattern before I created a shift, and tools that help people shift worldwide.
The pattern was of on again, off again caring. Love that ran hot and cold; open to intimacy then projecting the fear of getting too close. People I loved who I never seemed to be "enough" for, or my genuine nature feeling too much for- too good to be true. Remembering how absent my dad was, and how I spent many years trying to teach him to be giving vs. accepting his inability to trust and share control. A beautiful Afro-Jamaican man, with a lot of pain, that all my love as a child could and should not be expected to heal, without him wanting that work for himself. His life, whole, well, complete, mattered, and I now needed to let go and LIVE!
I looked to the river, connecting all those pains, those hurts in one.
(SFX: LIGHT WATER AND WOODS)
One by one, I set each flower down in the cold, calm water. I said to myself, Sacred -
May I be my own beloved.
May I trust myself to speak my truth.
May I be open to love and attract love that speaks to me.
What's ONE "May I..." statement? Set that intention. What do you need to heal? May you be blessed with that intention, that light, that wish, to come true as you become your own beloved.
PT 5: NEED FOR SECURITY
Holding on tightly to past hurts is usually us trying to feel secure.
Part of Becoming Your Own Beloved is to find that security within yourself, to love and embrace imperfectly perfect, beautiful you. With the women I serve, I call this AS-IF: A sistah is imperfectly fabulous.
So try this. Can you embrace your AS-IF?
(SACRED: DESCRIBES WHAT THAT IS)
PT 6: PRIORITY STATUS
Priority status. Have you given it to yourself? Really?
But think of being on an airplane in priority class.
Free beverages, delicious food, a spacious seat, a blanket. The BEST movies. (SACRED: Pretty in pink with Molly Ringwald, meets what dreams may come with Robin Williams, meets the best man with Nia Long)
You’re flying high! You’ve treated yourself. You’re on the way to adventure.
Once you have recognized the HOW GOOD it feels to put YOURSELF in priority status -- Being Your Own Beloved -- ask yourself this. Who gets to have "priority status" in your heart and mind?
Who do you want to make room for? Who is in your inner circle or your close knit posse (as you used to say in the 90’s).
See that person -- even if they’re just part of your imagination for now.
But, remember, you’re priority status. Now that we’ve released past hurt, and Become Our Own Beloved. We won’t give our all to someone who is giving us 50%.
The key on this journey - give YOU 100%, so when 100% finally shows up, you're both treating each other with priority status.
PT 7: WHO WILL YOU BE NEXT?
It took me 20 years, and many solo car rides, to figure this all out. And even more time to create tools to help people. AND to figure out who I would manifest next, be clear and step into my Vision, and help countless others thrive after a painful breakup or breakthrough.
Change doesn't happen overnight. But today, you CAN recognize your own beauty, your OWN worth, and how DESERVING of love you are.
Ask yourself this today When you really give yourself priority status -- Who are you ready to say yes to being?
STORY: When I came back from the road trip, and my visit to the river -- I had felt like my heart was broken. But at the river, I paused and saw my pain. I released it. And I opened up space to reconnect with the power of my purpose.
I began to speak with more purpose after that. So if I can, you can.
Believe in your divinity, your capacity for self-love, and self-compassion.
Listen to that inner compass.
The people I work with build inner clarity and self compassion only with practice.
When your mind, body AND spirit are aligned, you can trust your intuition more clearly over time. Give life and self-love an affirming yes. CREATE the love medicine you need.
Know that as your own beloved, you will always have that foundation of self-love inside you. No matter where the road takes you.
Much love to your hearts, and your commitment to love. And much love medicine to you in this journey.
Keep rising, and keep living your principles, and recommitting to love.