Quarterly Newsletter Spring/Summer Edition- Fire article Section 2: Learning your birthing story can support your re birth: An op ed piece by Sacred Walker
The story of finding the strength the birth new things amidst challenging times, tapping into that fire to create new life is an intergenerational choice that spans for generations in my family. I interviewed my mom regarding my birthing story, attached below. I found out many things, but one thing in particular stuck out to me. My mom birthed me alone. My father felt threatened by our other family members, and forbade her from seeing her mom and siblings. They went to the hospital room together, but he didn't join her in the labor room. She had me as a natural childbirth. Yet, she birthed me alone. And once I was born she would sneak me off in the daytime to see my family, and particular her mom. She was very afraid of my dad's temper, if he found out. But she took the risk anyway because it was important to her to have us both visit our family. Yet, she chose to stay. I was born within a tumultous environment. Having now understood the risks my mom took to reduce her isolation and mine, pre and post natal, I understand now that in the womb I lived in water, but I was born thru fire. She birthed me into a hard situation, yet she birthed me alone. And yet, she still found space to be loving and attentive to me, despite the hurt and isolation rendered unto her. I believe this is why I am called to support other in moving the hurt in their bodies. My family has had to for many generations. Please read this interview to get a sense of the joys and sorrows my mom would like this newsletter to know about the birthing story of her first child, me.
PT II:
INTERVIEW- 7-14-14
Q. Describe your experience of labor?
I was with Ever. I was not feeling pain. I went in because I was feeling nauseous. So I decided that knowing that I was nine months pregnant, I knew it was time to have the baby. We took a taxi and went to St. Andrews Hospital which was up at crossroads. I did not go into labor the same time. I did not have the baby until 12 oclock. It was hard. I was screaming. "I don't want this baby. Take her out." But Ever was by my side. The nurse gave me an injection to reduce the labor. And I had the baby after having the injection. I was feeling calmer. You weighed 7 1/2 pounds- you were very light... You had very straight hair. Your head was full with hair. You were very tall. Your eyes were so beautiful looking up at me. It made me forget all I said before. That it is why I love you so much... That was my first experience and it was a joy when you were born.
Did you bring me home right away?
I stayed in the hospital for a day. The Thursday I left the hospital.
What was the home coming like?
Because I just moved to Rickets Avenue, it was warm. What happened at the time another girl was pregnant at the time. Leonard's girlfriend was pregnant at the time... I was the one that was pregnant first. And Leonard's girlfriend was pregnant and another woman was also pregnant. When I came home everything was straightened up, the home was clean.
We didn't have baby showers at the time. I had bought everything for you. At that time I was a teacher at Iris Gelly primary school. Everything I did was already thinking about them before I go into labor so everything was organized already.
Did you feel supported by your family and friends?
I wasn't. Ever did not want me to close to my family. I had to sneak to take you by them. I was such a very feable women, I was afraid to give up my rights. I was afraid to tell him how I felt about what he was doing. I was feeling like a family should stick together at the time.
What would you have wanted to tell him that you didn't get to at that time?
That he should let me do what I want to do, to feel freer. When you are free you feel much better within yourself. Which is why I am so timid all the time. For example when he is talking I would have to listen to him. I shut down some of the time, because I didn't want to be in much argument with him. ...
One wish for me:
I wish you would grow up to be a beautiful young lady. That you would be happy. That you don't go thru the same situation that I went thru. That you would be happy. That you would pursue your dreams... And I wanted you to be the best lady in the world. Born healthy. Getting the best out of life.
One wish for yourself: I wanted to have my home. I wanted you to grow up in a good home. It did not happen. Sometimes I procrastinate alot, and things don't work out. That's what I wanted- you to grow up like a little princess.
Is there anything you would like to share about my birth or about the labor etc?
When you were born the doctor told me something about your birth- but I can't remember exactly what they told me.
Was it medical?
Yes it was.
Do you remember the feeling it brought you?
They said you had a trait of leukemia. I think, so, I don't remember. You can only get it if someone else has it. Like if you have a child, the person you are with has lukemia also then. Most likely nothing will happen if the other person does not have it.
Was there anyone else with you during labor? Was your husband with you?
He didn't come inside to hold my hand or anything. He stayed outside of the ward... Yeah, the baby was born naturally. What I mean is after I got the injection, I was not cut.
Do you feel like this interview was complete or should I add anything else?
It was a bitter sweet experience.
What do you mean bitter sweet?
You go thru that awful pain. But when the baby is born you're glad to see that beautiful face smiling up at you. You don't want to put her down after that. I feel like a weight came off after the baby.
That makes sense. Thank you mommy.
When I was pregnant with you I craved ackee & saltfish. I used to eat other good food but I used to love ackee and saltfish. I'd buy it every week.
I also used to sing alot. i used to love to sing. You know what I also used to love to read.
That would explain why I like to sing and read as much as I do.
When I was pregnant with Tamara, I liked to to do more math. I didn't like to read. And till today you are both opposite in that way.
http://us.cdn4.123rf.com/168nwm/nuriagdb/nuriagdb1106/nuriagdb110600055/9882006-mother-singing-a-lullaby-to-her-baby.jpg
Resources:
If you are someone you know might be experiences forced isolation or abuse by their partner or someone in their household, please contact the following number. They can help:
CALL US
Our advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential and anonymous.
Or visit: http://www.thehotline.org/
Watch this video:
For a riveting and deep explorimg of how intergenerational joy and trauma are passed thru the eyes of a Novelist- I recommend the amazing read:
Go to : http://www.amazon.com/River-Where-Ballantine-Readers-Circle/dp/034542476X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406298799&sr=8-1&keywords=the+river+where+blood+is+born
If this story kicked up some personal work you would like to explore further, one of many self-healing books available that are a personal family favorite would be:
Sold at:
http://www.amazon.com/Living-Through-Meantime-Learning-Patterns/dp/0743227107
AND
For research to help contextualize the birthing within a family systems model, one more hetero-normative body of work amongst many is:
Found at: http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Family-Intimacy-Robert-Lauer/dp/0078111625/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406299135&sr=1-1&keywords=marriage+and+family
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